As I held my head in the dark of the night,
I waited for it to explode like a dynamite.
The train of thought was going where it always went,
Back to the place where I had made a huge dent.
I held my head as the wings hold the hull,
And watched the fingernails made its mark on my skull.
And yet it didn’t go off,
With every blink that I took,
Flashes of past came by to give a haunted look.
I didn’t know what to do,
Keep the eyes open and wait for them to burn,
Or close them and let that make my soul churn.
I used to be strong once,
Once upon a time;
When I believed love;
Love can heal all the pain.
And no I try only to see all efforts to in vain.
Only a thought can kill me twice,
And while I respawn it would kill me again,
What hurts more is numb after the pain.
Every time it pushes me off to the edge,
But catches before I fall from the ledge.
Thus keeping me alive but not letting me live,
Cutting the flesh of my soul; letting it bleed; keeping me captive.
I know I was once strong,
And fate did me wrong,
As I wait for it’s another round of damage,
I clench my fists and tighten my jaws,
And let the pain run through my nerves.
Like blood running through the veins;
Keeping me alive; scarring my skin,
Making my eyes glow, but killing me from within.